Love is not, in an ideal state, sentimental. Thus God’s love is perfectly pure. He provides for our needs not our wants. But not simply that – He holds the whole world in His hands, so His love for you and me, is within that whole picture. He wants each one of us to be whole, and therefore holy, and one with Him and each other. But He doesn’t go against our will. And, lets face it, we’ve lost the love- plot when we look simply to our own good, or are simply trying to please others, rather than God.
So in His love we may find that the 99 sheep within us who were going happily on their way, have been left, apparently abandoned, but exhausted, while God seeks the lost sheep within us so that we may abide wholly in Him.
God’s love and mercy became evident in my life when all the gifts He had given me to love and serve, were put on hold through exhaustion. Having been invited to a conscious faith, I was taken on this inner journey to find the lost sheep. Step by step, I needed to allow Him into the darkest places of hurt, shame, fear and unutterable loss, and learn He had already been there with me. I had to know that I was NOTHING except through Him.
I daily stand in awe of what He has carried me through, both in utero, and after birth; but all for a greater good, and greater glory of God. But I’ve had to face choices along the way of this unfolding – His way or the ways of the world? Forgiveness or bitterness? Repentance or pride? Love or hate? The cross or self-will? Peace or bitterness? Do I want to be part of the true flock or go my own broken-hearted way? But although I had been good at striving, this was no longer my work…. All I could do was keep say ‘Yes’, day by day and be willing to persevere in the now, in whatever situation I was in, with simple trust that ‘His grace was sufficient’ for me in my weakness and vulnerability.
But let us look at the nature of the ‘lost sheep’. The lost sheep may be independent, even prideful or, wilful because it has not stayed with the other sheep, but wandered off. It may be damaged, having fallen or been attacked by disease or wild animals. It may have climbed high on the rocks and been unable to return, or lost in a ravine having been led astray by temptations of lush grass. It may even have been driven out by other sheep, and lost sheep, separated from the flock no longer knew where to go. And maybe it was all these things, having tried many ways to find itself in a flock.
‘When I was a child I thought as a child’, and its easy for a child to become a lost sheep.
If a child has been neglected, abused or otherwise treated without love, care and right discipline, they are likely to be rebellious, or inappropriately independent, and cause themselves further harm. Protests against ill treatment which were met with anger and even more violent abuse lead to a silenced child. This is the case for many abuse victims, and I came to realise this was my lost sheep. I had learned that I had no rights to protest at what was done to me.
In recent years child sexual abuse has come into the open. Many have found a voice along with others who were in care homes or other centres in which children should have been able to trust their carers. Their pain and loss has been brought into the open, and abusers brought to court. In response to this the Government has set up a commission to research and respond to Child Sexual Abuse – ‘The Truth Project’. (If this applies to you, you can share your experience through the Truth Project, either by emailing them at contact@iicsa.org.uk or using their online form).
Lets get back to us. In psychological terms, it takes a life time to really come to know ourselves and be able to face and integrate every aspect of our being. We have one visible body but a ‘deep heart’ – with many hidden facets. Spiritually we are one with Christ, as we are all made in the image of God. But we all know that we are frequently pulled away from Spiritual purity and faith in a loving God, by unmet childhood needs and traumas, worldly desires or trials, or cover-up habits that become ‘passions’. This is why Christ talks about seeking the lost sheep…..finding the deep Heart separated from ourselves, others and God, buried in shame, blame, violence, anger, bitterness, disinterestedness in righteousness, and or simple dis-belief in God.
But in this lost sheep is the key to True Life in faith, hope and love. I had to keep saying Yes because its not easy to accept all this darkness within when a facade of good works has held you together. I didn’t really want to accept the realities of my abuse and lovelessness. It hurt – though led to greater understanding of myself, God’s mercy, and others.
The journey to find the lost sheep in me, enabled me to see almost at the beginning of the journey, that God loved the abuser, though not his behaviour. Thus I was challenged from the start to see the bigger picture of God’s Kingdom. This helped me get through self-pity, but also self-blaming….and to see the bigger picture of evil and lovelessness. In the love of Christ I was able to understand the suffering of the Cross and death, and how I was part of that, but also resurrection and new life. So, having received the compassion and love of God, I was led to increasingly greater compassion and deeper prayer for the broken hearted lost sheep in me, and others, but also for the abusers. I now knew that it is God’s desire to heal and restore. For so many years I had lived with the lie that there was no hope for me or for other women.
Being ‘found’ is such joy, and responsibility! As the widow of Nairn’s son was restored to life in order to look after her, so we are brought to the Way to wholeness in the Kingdom of God to become fully what we are in Him. As we receive, so shall we give. The lost sheep is united with the flock under the shepherding of the Shepherd. Lord have mercy on us. May we learn to live for You.
If you are left with questions, or comments in your heart or mind, would you be willing to share them here? Thank you.
