Dearest Readers, before you panic - let's remember there is a difference between desire (or want) and need. One of God's Names is Yehovah Jirah - God the provider.... and He promises to provide for our needs, so all is not lost! So I want to invite you to come with me on this exploration, with hope!
I was first faced with this challenge of seeing a difference between 'want/desire' and 'need', when I spent some time in a psychiatric day hospital, having reached exhaustion point in my work in Higher Education. I had had a counsellor before I was given this day-hospital opportunity, and did not want to see her any more. I wanted to have one of the young nurses as my key worker. When the young nurse told me I couldn't have this, I cried, and she went to get the Sister in charge of the unit. Intuitively I knew that the counsellor was not helping me, and there was something 'not right'. But I was a long way from being able to explain this.
The Sister listened to my want, and accepted my tears, but said, 'Have you ever thought that what you want is not what you need?' No I had never thought that. But was open to the thought. The outcome of this was a meeting with the Counsellor, the Sister at the Unit, the potential key worker, and myself, and it was agreed that I would have 3 'closing sessions' with the counsellor, then I would transfer to a key worker at the Unit. I was at peace with this arrangement, and remember coming away from the final session, skipping down the road! Closure had been made in a way that met all people's needs.
So what constitutes a 'need' that God will provide for? I still do not pretend to know the answer to this but I have been challenged to extend my boundaries and understanding! After my time at the unit was over and I had started to really face and live with the pain and loss within me, I had invited a friend for lunch. As I was preparing the soup, I found myself being invited to make a bread and butter pudding!! I had learned to be obedient to these intuitive invitations, and could remember the basic ingredients - so made this pudding and put it in to cook. When I served this up, my friend was shocked and delighted!! It was her favourite pudding but she never made it as neither her husband nor children liked it. She always provided for them. But God wanted to bless her and provide for this unmet 'need' within her. A need for kindness and tenderness.
I too received tangible gifts from God - the first time I was on duty as 'Welcomer' at the church I had joined, another parishioner gave me a bunch of red roses. She had been prompted to buy them and was told they were for me!! Over the years these special provisions for my needs have changed, and even came through Orthodox saints; but they always came when I felt abandoned by God and people, and was clinging to the Cross like a drowning woman!! I needed a sign of His continuing presence. As my faith has grown, I know more of the expanding gifts of Patience, and Long Suffering, also provision for needs, which come through the Holy Spirit and live within us. The temptation to despair is a constant invitation to lean even more on the crucified Christ, who trusted in Resurrection, rather than be tempted away from the pain to false gods.
These temptations to desire/want what we have not got, or that cover up our vulnerability and 'truth', stem from false images of ourselves, or what will make us happy. We cling on to notions that if we have 'x' or 'y' we will be free, happy etc. And thus our minds are distracted from the joy of THIS moment and the presence of God in the here and now, even when we feel sadness in apparently unmet needs. We find grace and courage, in the moment, to give thanks and a sacrifice of praise, and our needs are met in our inner being.
Bringing Light and Hope into darkened lives.
I have come to see another aspect of our 'need' that is provided for by God in a mystery of His love. Christ came to earth to live as a human being, obedient during His childhood to His earthly parents, yet always aware of His Divinity and His relationship to His Heavenly Father. He had to wait for 'His Time' to come into His Divine work in the world, which ultimately led to His death - His highest gift to us. He wants us to be whole for Him, fully human and embracing in His time the Divinity of a soul that lives for His love and purposes, rather than for the pleasures of the flesh or world.
In our brokenness we may be blind to the grace that has been working in us, helping us not simple survive our childhood traumas , but to flourish and overcome all worldly desires and grow in grace and fruitfulness. But dear readers, if you, like me, have a very active, 'Lord I believe, help Thou my unbelief'......God will continue to hold you under the shadow of His wing, until the deepest, darkest, trauma of your soul, has found Light and Hope. This is the wonder of having God, as your Father, 'who will not rest till your salvation shines out like a Light'..... Let us have trust and hope to keep knocking, seeking and asking, surrendering all desire for worldly things to obedience to all we are asked to do. Through this service, and our need for His Strength, we grow daily in love, truth and gentleness without favour. Through the Love that only God can give, our enemies are showered with blessings, and we are free to love all, with an everlasting love, knowing that 'nothing can separate us from the Love of God'.
Lord have mercy on us. We believe, help Thou our unbelief. Fill us with Your Love. Amen
Thank you but no thank you. I will not sell my soul, or anyone elses, to’the company store’.
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