Beyond the Grave: Finding Hope

Dearest Readers, Sisters and Brothers in Christ -  think of a baby.  Do we call them stupid because they are not talking, walking or doing all sorts of worldly or heavenly things?  No of course not.  All the secrets of their life are hidden within, in the 'image of God' in which they are made.  And yet those 'heavenly aspects' may still be hidden well into life because the circumstances they encounter do not welcome the inner gifts they have, maybe because their life itself was not welcomed by the parents that gave them life.

I know from experience that 'not being wanted' at conception, or the shame of being born a girl are very real wounds of evil in the soul.  Yet in God's Truth they are like grit in an oyster!!!!  I was baptised as a baby and the Holy Spirit of God carried me through my early very 'grey' years, through a near death experience, and gave me grace to pass to a grammar school and to have sufficient encouragement from a boyfriend to get through to Teacher Training.  Now I recognise I was being 'carried' by God..   I turned away from the church at 18 but not from God, and accepted the precepts of the Quaker faith, which encouraged me in my teaching as service for God, and encouraged me to see 'that of God in all people'.

Only when, as an exhausted tall tree in Higher Education, did I have to face the emptiness within me, and I was led back into an active faith within the Church to find hidden facets of my being.   Because of the grace I carried, without knowing its source, I absorbed all the prayer, teaching and the Eucharist(Communion) I was receiving like a dry sponge, and my heart was softened gradually.  But I realised that when I was hearing about Christ's healing and love, in all honesty I had to say, 'Lord I believe, help Thou my unbelief'.   It was like a line in the Coleridge poem on 'Ode on Dejection', "I see not feel how beautiful you are".   He was talking about daffodils...I was talking about the Love and healing of Christ.  Indeed as a teacher I had occasionally been led to look within me and once remarked to someone, 'I know God is a God of Love, but He doesn't love me'.  But I was always given grace to persevere....and there was no way I could reach into the depths.  So I was led on a journey through the Holy Spirit of Love and Service.  Frequently I was totally blind about the Way I was going, but always I was trusting God that He would turn all things to good.

Through this trust, and surrender after surrender of my will,  gradually the pain in my heart has been acknowledged, and been tied to the Cross of Christ.  Each day a 'dying with Christ' and each day a resurrection to live for Him through the Holy Spirit.  And day by day, prayer by prayer, asking, knocking and seeking, listening and loving, I have found courage to believe I am loved, forgiven, through Christ. My shame at being conceived, and then being born a girl, doubly unwanted and frequently abused, are redeemed through His Shame on the Cross. Through His love the Words of the Cross re-shape the loveless child to a Child of God, conformed to His Image in Love, Forgiveness and Grace.  And all desire for worldly power surrendered to the Father.... into Your hands I commit my Spirit.  

Love becomes everything....and it includes my needs in this world...and the needs I have to be filled with Love - for His purposes.  And my Life and re-birth is truly hidden in Christ, in God.   The mystery of this healing of a broken heart - His gift to me in His calling to me in my exhaustion (Isaiah 43:10-12) - is that I then have a responsibility to proclaim it!!  To encourage others to face their pains, losses, disappointments and mourn them, to but trust in the power of God to bring Truth and resurrection...to give grace to persevere in times of trial, to encourage the faint-hearted.... and to enable you to be a bearer of the Good-news to others.  

Let us encourage ourselves and others to live to our highest image... not that given by the world, flesh or the devil.  Let us seek harmony, courage and humility in faith, hope and love.  Above all allow God to complete His work in our hearts, so each of us knows, bears and lives the Peace of Christ, and carry His Likeness knowing that nothing separates us from the Love of God and the Hope we have in this.