Dear readers, I pray you find something within this blog that is fruitful for your life. I may not easily have a conversation with you, though I am happy to do so through Zoom, but may you identify your own problems and see them as stepping stones, not stumbling blocks.
What is a stumbling block and why is it important? Stumbling blocks are referred to by the Psalmist as those things which cause people to fall. He refers to those who make them as those who work lawlessness. In the Spiritual life this is frequently when practice does not match up to the words spoken, and the position, or theory that someone speaks do not match with lived out love, patience or kindness.
For my eyes, O Lord, O Lord, are toward You;
In You I hope; take not my soul away.
Keep me from the snares they set for me,
And from the stumbling blocks of those who work lawlessness.
Sinners shall fall into their own net;
I am alone, until I escape. Ps140:8-10
I was outside the church, in its widest institutional meaning, for many years because I condemned the church for behaviour and lovelessness of those who could have protected me. I didn’t understand my subconscious behaviour but I guess I projected my losses and pain away from my immediate family. But God never left me, and enabled me to grow and flourish in education and provide for many children of all ages and abilities, and students and teachers in education. I followed the questions that my experienced raised and was blessed by training that filled in gaps, or led me in new directions. Thus I was led into Special Educational Needs work, then training. After 7 years as Head of Special Needs in a large primary school, re-organisaton of the schools led me to a Masters Degree in Applied Research. This led to an offer for a PhD studentship…. The path was laid out for me in God’s grace. However I was then to learn more that I was a woman and did not have the ‘right’ to be honoured or respected for the grace I had been given!
It was only when I left schools and started working in Higher Education in research, that I discovered these stumbling blocks. My desire to honour others, was not matched by all the men in the department, particularly those who had not come through teaching. Frequently in research seminars my contributions to discussion would be met with silence. Then 5 minutes later the idea would be presented through the mouth of one of the men. I was powerless to say anything, but felt it more important that the perspective was taken up than I personally receive any kudos. The research I was doing was instrumental in changing most of the men to see children and their knowledge through totally different eyes.
I began to view myself as separate in thought from the men. One lunch I break left them to their banter and walked into the woods, down an untrodden path, then, wanting to get to the lake, down a path through the reeds. This soon led to a nettle bed. It was summer, and by the time I got out I was badly stung on legs and arms, and had to go to the University sick bay for cream. I barely slept for three nights, but through this experience sensed that God was showing me, a) I could face pain, b) there was ‘salve’ to help the pain, and c) He would carry me through to the end. Thus the stumbling blocks began to be stepping stones to something new.
I guess this is what it is to accept responsibility before God for our lives, and recognise that we are not going to be at peace with those who do not see or hear our truth. How easy it is to see the faults of others…but do we see that if we point one finger at others, we have three pointing back to our selves.
“Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me. “But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea. (Matthew 18:5-6)
I needed to see that I was a stumbling block to myself too. To what extent did I listen to my Truth? To God’s call on my life? Did I let myself speak what was in my heart? Did I know and believe in God’s love? I knew that God is love, and I was blessed to live this for others, but always when I thought about it at all, I believed He didn’t love me! But I didn’t understand why.
Only when God called me by name, and brought me back into the church, through faith in His love and the Presence of Jesus Christ, was I able to start to face the ‘dark night of the soul’. I had to face the mysogeny I had lived in childhood, and the mysogeny in me, against myself, and against women on the whole. Forgive me sisters.
I could only do this letting go of all the external structures that held me up, through faith in the Eternal love of Jesus Christ, and His forgiveness, and healing for the pain and losses of my life. I had striven to be good enough – and subconsciously fighting my knowledge that girl children were left out on the hillside to die (a book I was given as a child). Still today many abortions, legally allowed, are of girl babies which the mother does not want.
As I have faced the stumbling blocks of mysogeny, in the world, in the churches, and in myself, I have sought the way of the Cross in forgiveness and grace to persevere in prayer and service. But I still cry out to God, ‘And us? What about your women who are still raped, abused, treated as doormats, but still seek Your face?’ How do I create stepping stones out of these stumbling blocks?
For I desire mercy and not sacrifice,
And the knowledge of God
More than whole burnt offerings.
Hosea 6:6
And God IS Love. In my inner being, I suffer agony when I feel the indifference of men towards the souls who need to know the love of God; who need to know the Holy Hope of Christ’s Light in the darkness. The Cross is our only way, not self-satisfaction, or following the rules without checking out the state of the heart. Nor is it aggression and self-centredness which spoils the cause of much ‘women’s lib’ and other political movements.
But God is the Way and the Truth too. We have to know our Spiritual Truth and Purpose, which always involves the Cross. We are made in God’s Image, and to bear His Image is neither male nor female, but to live in our true humanity and His call to divinity and the service we are called too. So when we face the pain of the crosses of the stumbling blocks, through Christ they become stepping stones, and we know in Holy Hope we can persevere.
Dear sisters and brothers, let us seek to take love into the world, knowing we cannot do this without seeing every stumbling block as a stepping stone of redemption for our own heart. Let us own our lack of love and faith, and pray in repentance and Hope for healing of our brokenness and of all who suffer. May we have humility, love and Christ’s Presence to carry into the world. Amen