Forgiving the Unforgivable

Dearest readers, I make no apology for writing this on a Friday.  Why do I say that?  Well, ever since I committed my life back to Christ over 30 years ago I gave God freedom to do with me what was necessary to 'set me free' in Him.  Even before the commitment I had come to know that I had suffered abuse as a child, the memory of which had largely been buried. But the pain was deep within me and I had to leave it to His Life in me to do the work and both serve, and save my soul.  

I followed the Way that God laid out for me, and while living in Switzerland, I discovered this amazing 'Stations of the Cross' which was placed mounting up a cliff face.  At the top was a small chapel built to honour the Holy Mother of God, Mary. The Abbey of St Maurice (a 4thC martyr along with his company of soldiers) includes the chapel under their wing.  Needless to say it was a beautiful place to go, and I found great comfort praying the prayers that go with the 'stations of the Cross' of Christ. If these are outside your church experience, you might find it worthwhile to Google them.  The first time I saw these in a church, I was so relieved to see that Christ fell with the weight of the Cross! In His humanity, He was weakened through brutality and suffering too.

The time I was free to go to St Maurice, was about 10 months. So every week on a Friday, I would willingly give myself to prayer for the suffering and broken hearted.  And God purified my heart and motives a great deal during this time. I was even led to recognise I depended on my car, not God, and I gave up my car, to depend on public transport, and my bicycle!  Needless to say my French had to improve too, and I had to depend on the Lord for learning and studying French. And I had to release more self-protecting boundaries!

I am telling you this, only to say that God took seriously my 'Yes' to Him to pray for the broken hearted, and to love the Lord, even on the Cross.  And when I left Switzerland, and eventually the Roman Catholic Church to become 'Orthodox',  the Holy Spirit was still witnessing to the Cross within me on a Friday, as more of my own suffering came to the light, or the suffering of those I had been praying for was carried in love.

I came to see the mercy of God in enabling me to face the suffering on a Friday, with Him, and on a Sunday have resurrection and the other days enabled to serve!   If you get days when things seem very dark, or your soul is suffering, consider what day it is. You too may be suffering the cross and need to lean on the Lord in Faith and hope, and trust in resurrection. (Wednesday is also a day to remember the Cross!)

And yet there is another facet of this suffering.  I came to see yesterday how little support I had had, humanly, in my life.  I wasn't wanted in utero, so no loving welcoming Spirit to welcome me into the world, and in fact I was a failed abortion; and at birth I was not welcomed because I was a female.  Both of these rejections were mini-deaths.  We tend to rationalise these things and forgive them- and rightly so when we do not have resources to do otherwise.  But if other experiences have re-inforced these rejections of our lives, we are living them out in our souls, and we fail to thrive in Christ.  But God's promises are true....and last night Psalm 91:2/3 was given to me: "'My shelter, my mighty fortress, my God, I place all my trust in You.' v3 For He will rescue you from the snares set by your enemies who entrap you, ...."  

So it was not a surprise this morning when I felt very vulnerable and uncertain of myself, though I was given grace to fulfil an optician's appointment. I became aware of the 'death' of being unwanted and uncared for; and the pain of having spiritual gifts that were rejected and without value to those who deny women.  Yet what do I do with this sense of being 'on the Cross'?  I own it first of all- I will not deny it and before God I cry out, 'Why have you abandoned me?'  But because I love the Lord, and trust in God the Father, I choose to say, again, 'Father forgive them, they know not what they do'.... to begin with, simply in obedience.  

But I sense within me that this is leading to greater inner strength.  That His Word is growing within me, and new doors will open up for the truth to set all of us free. Prayer, and more Prayer, and willingness to seek His Face and grace. Only in Christ can I have unity within me, and only in Christ can you and I , and the whole world be united. SO in this Light, the Light of Christ's, 'Father forgive them they know not what they do', we too can forgive the unforgivable - and find courage and strength within us to live for resurrection and grace in Him.  No longer will we live for fear of man, or for prostitution in trying to please, but we will live for PURITY of Heart, Truth, Courage and total TRUST in the leading and timing of the Father.  Truly 'All that is in the dark, will come to the Light', and we will find the unforgivable no-longer has any power because of the Love and Mercy of God.  I feel compassion for those that need to build themselves, by denying others; or are ashamed of mistakes because they do not know the love and mercy of God.  Come Lord Jesus.