Why should I do that? Relooking at Obedience in Love.

I thought I lived a simple life, but dear Reader, suddenly, like a sunripe seed pod, I was facing a whole host of tempting seeds scattering my life in many directions.     Wow! How do I cope with this in any pure way?  First I had to recognise that 'simple' only becomes so by either ignoring the complexity, denying the difficulties, or burying your head in the sand!!  And it is true that many living a 'religious' life choose not to spend time reading newspapers or watching the news. These reports tend to focus on destructive and very negative and traumatic events, and the facts are not always adequately presented, or hold little HOPE for people. I personally follow the route of abstinence from news, but daily pray for those suffering throughout the world, not only because of events, but through misrepresentation and lies that have been printed about them. But God has brought me, and many who follow a life of Faith in God, face to face with trauma, complexities and problems in many ways - let me explain....

Circumstances change and as life changes, so do the options available. 32 years ago I gave my life to Christ... to God, to the church. And to be honest, from the point of view of absolute exhaustion in the Polytechnic, I needed to relearn many things about Life, about myself, and about my relationship with God and others. I had to learn to refocus from the outward events and demands of a 'job' or rather the role fulfilling that job, to find an inner strength and purpose defined both by my life experiences, and the gifts of the Holy Spirit...the voice of God the Father, through the Son.  Yet that took time!

I had learned 'obedience' within the roles I had been given in education where the greater good for those I was serving was what I needed to prioritise ..not personal comfort or ease. But in my changed life given to Christ, I started to learn'obedience to 'the still small voice' that prompts a decision, an action, a visit/phone call to someone, and myriad other promptings to kindness, grace, courage and even God providing for my needs!  I came to both welcome and dread (!) that 'space' that would hang in the air when someone would tell me what they needed to do, like M needing to drive from the South of France to Greece for a new job! I sensed the enormity of this task for a woman alone, when she knew no-one in Greece - and I did!! 

I stepped into the space and said Yes to God, and offered to go with her. My friend in Greece agreed to put us both up for about 3 days while we went to meet other friends in an apartment near where M was to work which had many English speaking inhabitants.  By the time I left to fly back to Scotland she had moved temporarily into a small apartment and was ready for work. (And I had seen a tiny black squirrel when we had spent a night in Tuscany staying with friends of Ms!) I later went back to help her set up a larger flat in the same block when her furniture was to arrive from Brussels, but she had to continue working.  In doing this I found God's mercy hidden in my Yes to Him - like the squirrel!...But this time it was not a human joy.

I learned to keep out of M's way after work, and simply prayed peace into the house. As planned, initially to give M a break from having another person around,  I went to the nearby monastery for 3 days. Having read Elder Paisios' book 'With Pain and Love', during my stay and recognising a 'soul mate', I felt impelled to go to his grave at the monastery, before my Greek friend arrived to take me home. I cried out to him,'Why did you die before I could meet you?' He replied to me pointing me to St Porphyrios, but I was filled and surrounded by a flame of Love and Joy. Despite that Love, my feet needed to get back on the ground and the Journey continued.

I cannot say that I always had a clear sense of direction or of God's purpose. After my 'ordered life' seemed to be totally blown apart when one apparent path, crumpled into a dead end, I spent 9 months 'writing my pain' in a small hermitage in Wales.  My obedience to this calling to spend this time, was only possible because I had confirmation of it from a totally strange priest, telling me what God had told me two years before; and through the text message I recieve from a dear nun-friend, who said, 'I think 'the way of pain is the way of Love'.  So I went!!  God knows best.

So I kept following the path that seemed to be laid out - 9 months of listening and writing deep into childhood traumas; then needing to go and seek God's Truth and Redemption in forgivenss and service in humility.  I finished like Christ Crucified, totally powerless to act in Love except to be obedient to God, who had allowed this.  But God moved to free me from loveless circumstances, and brought me out to a place of blessing, crucified humanly but alive in the Spirit.

Slowly I have refound God's Voice and Spirit alive in me, and old Gifts I had as a thinker and writer, have been vivified-  but all for Love.  

Now I have courage to see and bless all the seeds breaking around me not being afraid of diversity or differences because the Cross unifies all. And my obedience is to ONE task at a time, whole-hearted in Christ; Head and Heart united in God's purposes and Love.  He indicates which, if any of these seeds are to be taken up..or put on the compost heap till they open up or change through prayer.  But Obedience is my way to Simplicity. Because in Christ, in God, I am NOT God but I can do what He asks of me in my humility and humanity in the power of His Love.  One task at a time.... in which ever dimension His Love indicates...  

Good strength dear Reader to Seek, Knock and Ask and Find the way of the Cross in Humility, Life in Love and grace without human 'knowing' or controlling - but with grateful obedience. Amen

...now to remake the bed - and hang up the washing!