Dear Reader, Have you ever had those times when everything about you appears weak? And yet you find something carries you to do what needs to be done. I suspect parents particularly know this with teething babies, or sick children or elderly parents .
My weakness at present is a general 'tiredness' of fighting half-heartedness, my own particularly. I pray to be whole hearted about all I do, for love of God. But it doesn't always happen! Do I draw the conclusion that I am in the wrong place, doing things that other people could do? Or should I 'try harder'??
First, I know that only God through the Holy Spirit can bring me to wholeheartedness, providing I am willing to give all of myself to His work. But how do we/you deal with that heaviness of heart; that 'oh dear' feeling when we need to do 'x' or 'y'? Habitually, I give thanks, trust God with the trial, and ask God that I may glorify Him in patience. This usually results in grace to persevere. But I find myself asking God if I must spend the rest of my life on the Cross when I don't feel I am doing anything 'life-giving'.
One night when I had prayed to God about the half-heartedness that I could do nothing about, I woke in the night feeling very distressed in my mind. The Jesus Prayer (Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on us') did not seem to help, but I became aware that I needed to praise God. As I rested in the pain and anguish of mind, I felt this invitation to praise God rather than seek to cover up the pain or run away from it. I realised this is something new....I sense that through this willingness to praise and bring Christ's trust in the Father into this situation, I was bringing Life into an old death. This was MY human choice to trust and praise. Easy when all is well, not so easy when the darkness threatens to overcome!
But I acknowledge that that invitation to praise, one of those 'awarenesses' rather than specific Words, was crucial to new healing and growth in faith, and Life. When the events that cause this anguish were happening, I did have faith that God was with me, but I had no human way to deal with the trauma to my human body or psyche. These traumas, commonly called PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder) in current 'speak', remain locked in the body and/or mind until such time as we are strong enough to deal with them. Over the years, when the presenting memory or spiritual anguish seems worse than the last, I have come to recognise that BECAUSE I am precious in God's sight, He will not rest till my salvation is complete, NOR will He ask more of me (or you) than I/you can bear!!
SO I was led through this last revelation and opportunity to bring praise and thanksgiving into the anguish, to realise that healing can come through intentional obedience to God's Word. Only God knows the power of the Holy Spirit of Truth to bring healing, which is brought into a situation when we obey God's Word. All I know for sure is that from that following morning I have sensed more and more Lightness, and power to fight despair and 'Lockdown-sense-of- powerlessness'.
Indeed in my human weakness, anguish and lack of power, through the Holy Spirit, the Light of Truth and Joy was brought into this despair that had been buried in the dark of my body and soul. In the Psalms it says in one way or another, many times, 'A sacrifice of praise is the salvation of the saints.' And this had been proved to be true, again and again. I have become more whole-hearted.
So dear Reader, the more you can give thanks when any memories from your past bring you to the emotional and psychological re-experience, praise God, thank Jesus Christ for His death of the Cross, and invite the Holy Spirit of truth to deliver you and your soul from the burdens you have been carrying.
Own your weakness and powerlessness, knowing your mind cannot make human 'sense' of these happenings in any way that sets you free from them. Blaming and shaming yourself or those who offended against you does not bring you freedom or enable you to grow in grace and love. But forgiveness and turning to Christ and the Holy Spirit through the Love of God the Father, will enable you to persevere day by day in 'faith, hope and love'.
In your weakness, is hidden the 'treasures of darkness' and new life leading to Eternity in Christ. Good Strength dear readers to take up your cross, and daily carry it in love of God and trusting in the saving power of praise and thanksgiving for all trials. He will enable your mind to be renewed through God's word and Way, and Love 'will find a Way' for you.
Lord have mercy on all people who have been traumatised and do not believe in Your Love and healing.