I don't know about you dear reader, but every now and then, I sense the Lord jolting me out of self-righteousness, or self-satisfaction!! This happens in a number of ways but always it results in me needing to look more carefully at the discomfort within my being that I have been ignoring. And at the same time, I find the ways I've been covering up the discomfort are brought into focus! His invitation to me to love God, and my life, with all I am, shines in the darkness.
This time of Lent, starting this week in the Western Christian churches, and in March for the Eastern Orthodox churches, makes us look again at what we are relying on, and who we are living for, and what thoughts leads us. I am in awe of Christ's humble acceptance of the Father's call to go to the Cross- willing even to make His gift perfect, by making this gift, His will too. Are we willing to do that with things that have happened to us? Or do we say, 'It shouldn't have happened'? (When we do this there can be no real understanding of what is locked away within the event, or the treasures of darkness it may contain.)
Am I willing to do that? I don't know. I have particular experiences within me that led to the cross and loss of life. Once as a child, and once as a woman, given to God, serving within the church, yet suffering a form of spiritual crucifixion. In both cases I was silenced by fear of offending God, and feeling humanly isolated and unable to articulate what had happened, or even to remonstrate. Both these experiences instilled fear in my soul and body, and a loss of right relationship with the people concerned, and any sense of place in the family, and the church. These awarenesses were largely buried but resulted in isolation and denial of love and the beauty of living for Christ.
Bringing Light and Hope into darkened lives.
But in God's mercy these are now brought to the light as I seek to face and overcome my fears and sense of loss in my life. Increasingly I believe that 'ALL things will be well, All manner of things will be well',* mean exactly that. That somehow these two crucifixions, one of my human capacity to relate and act and live as a child, and the other, which seemed to cut me off from Spiritual dependence on the priesthood of the church, were allowed by God, for a greater good. This means that in His grace I can choose to make these 'my Will', and thus there is no blame or shaming the other - 'they know not what they did'. But in accepting these as my will, and aligning them to Christ, I have a promise of new life through the Cross.
Maybe you have sufferings that are coming to light through this time of lockdown, and you see the effects of these fears and losses in many aspects of your life. Can you too take hold of Jesus' words to Julian of Norwich, 'All will be well'? And also the truth that Christ, though He wept blood in the Garden of Gethsamane to make what was about to happen His will, chose to give His life in obedience to the Father.
But if you are saying NO! - you may do as I will do tonight, 'Lord I am willing to be willing to accept these as my will, but I need You to be with me. ' I need Your faith in the Father, and Your trust in Your mission, to offer these to You in Spirit and in Truth and say, 'Thank you for these deaths. May your will be done in my life.'
The Truth is, that in Christ we do overcome all sorts of mini-deaths, when we give up our will for another. And there is resurrection, for those that love and seek the will of the Father. Our suffering in these Covid times invites us to focus on what needs to be surrendered, and let go of, including all blaming others, so there can be new life. When we make these mini-deaths our own will, and release everyone from blame and freed from our desire for retribution, we are living the gospel in Christ's Name. We cannot do this in our own strength but He is the God who was, and is, and ever will be, and all things are possible for those who believe, pray and trust.
Good strength dear souls this Lent. Maybe you will be inspired to allow the Holy Spirit to show you areas of darkness, with pain and loss. May you (and I) have courage to release all to the work of the Cross and the beauty of Christ's Love alive in you. Let us pray for each other.
Come Holy Spirit, take all our pride, vain glory, and judging of others, and purify our hearts and minds that we may live to Your praise and glory. Rebuild us in humility and love, gentleness and justice, always ready to answer your call to bring hope to the lost, and new life to the oppressed. In Jesus Name, Amen
* These were said to Julian of Norwich during the 'showings' concerning Christ's crucifixion. 'Julian of Norwich: Revelations of Divine Love' ......there are various translations...a recent one by Barry Windeatt, published by Oxford World's Classics