OK! Lets be honest – at least metaphorically I have drawers full of T-shirts that claim me as master of grumbling!! I didn’t even recognise it till a very good Head of Department drew me aside one day to tell me I was good at being critical of a situation, but I didn’t offer alternatives. I thank God for the wisdom of this man who gave me an opportunity to see my fault and choose to grow through it. Even when I came back into the church and read in the gospel, ‘Do not grumble….’ I may have stopped on the outside so people wouldn’t judge me, but inside the heart was still full of hurt and pain that lead me to ‘murmur’ within.
It was God’s calling aside that started to make a real different in my heart. I was standing by a bookshop check-out, and suddenly a pile of books leapt into my vision, ‘Eeyore’s Little Book of Gloom’.! I knew I needed to buy it. What a wonderful eye-opener this was! I laughed all my way through it- because it so mirrored my ‘misery’ and self-destructive mind-sets.
“Life is a Box of Thistles……
and I’ve been dealt all the really
tough and prickly ones…”
What struck me most about this gift of insight was that I really felt God’s Fathering – like the Head of Department had gently mirrored my fault- and shown how to correct it. And God showed me these mindsets which destroyed any joy that might have been, because I didn’t see it! But it was so gentle and loving – and like a promise that He was with me to help the overcoming.
I can’t pretend that changing from a grumbler to a praiser is like a magic switch! But what started to change, through prayer, was the deep root within my heart (the inner being – not just emotions), which had been separated from Love, from God, from Hope, by the evil events that occurred, and the mindsets that stemmed from them. As I once heard at a healing conference, ‘When childhood has brought rejection and suffering for a child, the adult-child may have a reduced will for good/God’. But nothing is impossible for God, and if we can manage a “I am willing to be willing, to be willing….” then God accepts our honesty and turning back to Him. And He brings deliverance and healing as we recognise what we cannot do on our own.
Embedded in all the misery are experiences, often buried because of the pain, and images of ourselves and others – including God. I once asked God if anything stopped me receiving His love, “Yes” came back the response, “you see Me as a man.” He was right! But not now…. and His Father’s love and Life giving Spirit, and the wonder of the Cross and Resurrection of Christ show me a God beyond words and yet still enabling us to overcome the self-destructive ways of the world.
Mind-sets that I needed to overcome:
God is love, does not mean He will give us our childish wants….only our needs, and demonstration of His mercy, reaching in to time and space, is part of that – but is hidden in Him and His time;
self-sufficiency – ie I can do it – has to be surrendered for a greater good to become total dependant on HIs strength and Spirit, and a servant of His purposes and love;
I used to long for certainty…that I was ‘doing it right’ and therefore wouldn’t be abused, rejected etc………. Forget any worldly certainty!!! Live in wonder and certainty in Christ’s love and trust in the Father. Christ only did what the Father was doing or what the Father told Him to do!! This is freedom living in God’s Word. The closer we get to seeing ALL things as gift from God, the less we grumble, a very ego-centric activity, and the more we are free to praise and accept, yet serve to overcome self-interest and injustice with wisdom – and live for Love. All our trials hold gifts of patience, long-suffering, renewed faith, prayer and joy.
Lord I believe, help Thou my un-belief.
SO step by step, I came to accept and understand that truly ‘ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD’. And I began to praise in obedience to God’s word, even for the things that weren’t obviously praise-worthy, and to take seriously St Peter’s instruction to ‘give thanks for every trial’. Yes I can even thank God for the events of my childhood now, and the pain that was embedded in them, because I know at first hand the miracle of repentance, forgiveness of others, and healing of the broken heart as it gets restored to gentleness, kindness and obedience and compassion in Christ.
And thus by His grace I can face the trials of each day in prayer, and thus turn to thanksgiving for every trial. So I have ‘an alternative’ to grumbling….and I marvel daily at both His grace that brought me through in my life, and His constant readiness to forgive and guide when I ask for help.