In dying to self we may live for Christ
We are asked to worship God in Spirit and in Truth..with our hearts and minds, but also in active life in Christ. Have you too experienced a time when what we thought we were - comes to an end- and with it our willingness to serve!
There are these times in our lives where circumstances bring one phase of our lives to an end. If we are unprepared we feel unsure and dismayed, having lost our sense of who we are. Have you ever felt like that? I'm sure you could tell me of times, like the end of school life, or the divorce of parents, or the end of your own marriage; loss of, or change of job, or children leaving home. And there are many more daily circumstances where our comfort zones are challenged, and we need new understanding and to let go of old mindsets - in order to accept and find new ways of thinking, being and relating. However, frequently, with major changes in circumstances, there are emotional traumas which makes immediate change difficult. And these may need to wait till later in life when you are in a position to find the strength and resources to deal with them.
I am more and more convinced that this is why Jesus offered us the 'Beatitudes' to help us manage these times of, often fundamental, change and renewal. "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for their's is the Kingdom of God." How true this is. If we do not have strong opinions about what we should be, or what others are or are not doing to us, and are willing to be flexible in our attitudes, we can learn from the Word of God. Hence the disciples said to Jesus when He had asked them if they wanted to leave Him too, 'To whom shall we go, You have the Words of Eternal Life'..... With God's words to guide us, and the hope and trust of Jesus in the Father's purposes and Ways, we have no need to be anxious about anything, so everyday is Life-giving..
"Blessed are those that mourn, for they will be comforted." In our childish thinking what we want, we want NOW, especially if we are in pain and confusion!! And in a sense we do get some immediate comfort (strength/courage) when we allow ourselves to face the pain of loss of a loved one, for example, and weep. As we weep, and in effect, share with Christ His pain and anguish at loss of life, the Holy Spirit brings us to One-ness with Christ and renewed strength in our inner being as we begin to let the bigger picture be present. As we surrender to His grace, we find that what needs to be done, can be done, and He provides more clarity of thought, and more access to memories to be grateful for. But mourning and grief is a process, not a quick fix!
The waves of mourning and grief will be interspersed with trust in the Living God who provides grace for each day. And over time we find, with prayer and renewed hope, our perception of the loss has changed. Gradually we see the life that is emerging out of the ashes of the old. Even when trauma has left 'wreckage' of a life the prayer, 'Lord I believe, help Thou my unbelief' puts the burden back onto God..... And in small ways every day is a Beginning again.....and the birthing of Life after Death, if we are willing.
But here lies the secret of new life. Where is the WILL? Many of us get stuck in what we have lost, and wanting it back again, exactly as it was. But there is no Life in that. We have made a god out of what was, or might have been, rather than facing what IS and will be. Even for people who as children suffered abuse, neglect or self-harming, there needs to be some semblance of mental shift in order for healing and growth to take place in the NOW rather than making some childish idea of what 'ideal parenting' would have been, or some false notion and judgement about their own role in it.
So how do we shift the will from the past, and the loss experienced, to the present and new life? Since realising my powerlessness to change myself, I have lived with the prayer, 'Lord I believe, help Thou my unbelief', and also with a prayer in relation to the will. I was very blessed, early in my time back in the church, to be taken to a healing conference, in which, out of the blur of words, I heard, 'If you have suffered abuse as a child, your will for God and good is likely to be damaged'.
My heart responded to these words and then I heard from the mouth of the speaker, God's provision of a truthful bridge to God from my broken-ness. 'You may only be able to pray to God, 'I am willing, to be willing, to be willing......etc.. to do Your will''. What balm to my soul. And it related to an Old Testament prophetic word I had read, 'And I (God) will take their sins from them'....... Wow! So my struggling and trying to be good-enough was not the way forward!! And all I needed to offer God was my prayer, feeble that it was, my heart, and my two feeble prayers offering my belief, my dependance on Christ, and my willingness to be purified and changed. And of course obedience to the life-giving happenings of the PRESENT.
Dearest Reader, I am not pretending this always seems easy, but in Truth it is easy if you focus on NOW...and not what you were or have lost. At one time I was almost overwhelmed by a deep sense of death and loss manifesting as a form of depression, but I said to God...'OK I'll get myself out of bed....and I'll stand..then the rest is up to you!!' I can still remember getting out of bed, then seeing my clothes and starting to get dressed...and it was as if I was carried the rest of the day, according to the 'Footsteps in the Sand' poem.
I just kept believing, and putting my unbelief in God's hands, and surrendering my will in as much as I was turning to God and not away from Him any more. Through this means, I have been brought through 'the Dark Night of the Soul', and have spiritually kept choosing for God's way in Christ, while passing through all sorts of memories of my conception, in utero and as a child. I marvel at how God brought me through , and enabled me to become a teacher! Maybe even more I marvel at the miracle of bringing me back to an active faith, and enabling me to surrender all striving in order to learn to trust Him in all things and believe I am loved by Him despite the human evidence of my life!
Indeed He is the giver of Life, and when Jesus says, 'I'm the Resurrection and the Life', I say Amen. He has brought, and is bringing, Life out of death.
Do I fully understand the rest of the Beatitudes? Certainly not fully but they all go from a point of humanity to point to God's provision or care, for us, or through us:
Blessed are the meek, For they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness, For they shall be filled. Blessed are the merciful, For they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, For they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake, For theirs is the Kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 5:5-10)
And even more blessings:
Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake, Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. (Matt.5:11-12)
I mentioned at the beginning of this article about those traumas which left such a deep wound that they could not be healed till God had healed and strengthened the inner being and mind, to such a point that the soul could trust God enough to co-operate with the cauterisation of the wound. In many cases I have been led over the years, to write my pain and the losses and doubts it has caused. Each step takes courage because the human soul feels there is nothing but death within the memory of pain. But with experience, and knowing that Jesus descended into hell, we know that 'even though I descend to the depths of the sea, God will be with us' (Psalm 138/9:8-10)
Yet there is a pain and shame I still need to face and, in Christ, to 'descend into hell' and bring His Light and Truth to it. But this one I will not do alone, and an arrangement has been made to spend 10 days with a friend in order to do this writing. Such is God's mercy. He will never ask more of us than we can cope with - with Him! And in Him is life, new life and hope. All new Life in Christ embodied in the beatitudes.
So have courage dear reader, to accept the invitation to face your pain when it becomes necessary to ask Him to bring what is in the dark to the Light. And know there is resurrection and new life through Christ, like stepping stones to Wholeness and Holiness.
Dear Lord, by Your Spirit, lead us to Life Eternal in the power of Your love and for Your purposes. In You may we live, and move and have our being. By Your Light shall we see Light. Thank you Lord for Your cross and resurrection. Amen