Last week I invited God to do a new work in me! How did I do that? During the 1st Zoom Meeting for Spiritual Growth, I had set up a task for participants to reflect on ‘Everyday with God’. I did it too, and followed it through to the spiritual task for the week. . The Holy Spirit had made it clear that there was something in the way of me being utterly whole-hearted for His life in me! I acknowledged this truth and said, ‘OK Lord I give you permission but I don’t know how, nor do I have the love and trust deep within me…. but I trust You to provide!”
So over the last week, I found myself first with a profound and confident prayer to God asking for joy in my heart and an overflowing of His love to give to others. The following morning I was aware in the early hours, of a willingness for the Lord to take me into the depths of the trauma I suffered as a child, knowing He was with me. Since then I have lived through layers of a spiritual awareness of the depression that followed that ‘death’, and was brought to a greater understanding of ‘blessed are those that mourn, for they will be comforted’.
It has become clear that because no-one ever humanly acknowledged the ‘sin’ committed against me, my mind and emotions were frozen into the self-understanding of me being to blame. This applies to so many who have suffered violence of many kinds. War veterans, rape victims of what ever age, sudden death of a loved one, can all cause PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder) where the individual is left without real access to the events in order to process them, and overcome. It is true also that the mind can collude with the hidden-ness and pretend it didn’t happen.
It is possible to live, by God’s grace, beyond these events and to serve and love. But these hidden events are still in the body and mind, and if we are seeking to be whole, then eventually they have to emerge and be faced. We cannot, and should not, live in denial simply because we prefer to deny them and carry on in the comfort zones. Who wants an image of oneself that is broken? I much preferred the role that I had through the grace and love that God gave me as a teacher. I had purpose, position, and joy in the enabling I did through God’s love. But God stepped in!!
The inner self was crying out to be heard! So many years on from that beginning to be heard, I had said yes to a much deeper work. Body memories are part of my everyday battle, but with Christ, I am not alone. And still He gives me grace to seek His Word, love and forgiveness; to pray for other victims of child-sexual abuse, and the abused and despised women throughout the world. He gives me love to pray for women who have courage to stand against the temptation to swing from their powerlessness to a ‘feminist’ power position.. This is not the answer if we seek good, and desire live to Overcome and carry our True image into the world in Christ.
So Overcoming is neither denial, nor fighting back in the traditional way. Yes we need to be renewed in our minds so we can see the truth, know we are well-beloved by God through Christ, and can stand in courage and prayer against bullying and manipulative behaviour. Often silence and silent prayer, even leaving the situation, is enough to bring bullies to their right mind, while remaining true to ourSelf.
We need to be purified by the Holy Spirit, so no root of bitterness lies hidden to leap out unawares!! With Christ, we need to be willing to say, ‘Father forgive them, they know not what they do’. And daily, when tempted to despair by memories or mourning for loss of innocence and childhood, we need to pray blessings on all who have been players in our suffering. We do this from the security of the loving arms of the Father, inviting the Holy Spirit to lead us in paths we do not know.
Alongside this we trust in the Love of God to bless and uphold us in the ordinary events of our lives, refusing to give in to despair, lethargy and lovelessness. Love is practical and provides for our needs. And the Holy Spirit knows our needs – however mundane!! I have often been given great joy, when out shopping for example, by finding myself facing an item I needed, which I had totally forgotten about! This is the overcoming which enables and sets us free to live in total trust in a Loving and caring God. And because I do not deny the horror or the ‘illness’ that goes with the evil, I can give God the glory but help others to trust God to bring them through the symptoms of the illness to greater love and freedom in prayer.
The more we seek, knock and ask, the more we will find, the door be opened and the more we will be answered. This is Christ’s promise. But we need to be humble enough to ask, and willing to say Yes to His work in us. Believe me, He will never ask more of you than you can take – with His grace! Glory to God.
Lord have mercy on us. We believe, help Thou our unbelief. We are willing to be willing. Father forgive them they know not what they do. Amen