Taking every Thought Captive…

When I sat down to write, having chosen this title some days ago, suddenly my mind was filled with lots of other titles and thoughts about them! Was I going to follow one or all of these new ones? This is where discernment comes in. Taking every thought captive means having self-control. We are not to be at the mercy of every passing whim or destructive thinking. With no effort at all we are sucked down into doing nothing and following thoughts into all sorts of fancy, or even evil (none life giving) imagination. I suspect you too have T-shirts for this activity!

So I turned back to my chosen title, and the difficulty of writing about such ephemeral experience if we keep our thoughts to our mind. But we need to recognise that some thoughts come from our true hearts having constructive meaning and purpose, others are arising from bodily or other unmet needs, others out of pride and vain glory ..the ego thoughts, and others arise from destructive forces.

I had had experience of evil in my life from conception and deep within me was a root of ‘self-destruction’. Through my life are examples of me ‘abandoning’ something when it got difficult because subconsciously in the depths, I had no ‘will to live’ or fight for life. Women who have agreed to an abortion, find that they cannot fruitfully ‘bring to birth’ any other life-giving activity because this root of thinking has to be owned and cleansed.

Thus we need to be willing to ‘take hold’ of our thoughts and see where they are coming from so we can take them to the Physician. I have learned I do not need to be afraid. Once we accept our thoughts, and put them back into Gods hands repenting of our separation, their power immediately starts to diminish. And we can seek obedience to Christ in our heart.

Because of the abandonment I experienced in utero, God the Father provided in many ways that helped me be obedient to His Spirit. I was baptised as a child, and aged 16-18, studied His Word, parts of both Old and New Testaments of the Bible, through A level Scripture.

“Take every thought captive in obedience to Christ.“

I seemed to already know these words and what they meant before I came back to the church after 20 years teaching;

“For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds,
casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,
and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled." 2 Cor 10:4-6

I remembered the 18 year old self with broken off engagement, and failure to get into university.  After the losses I started writing poetry, and was offered a year of unqualified teaching.

I remember clearly these lines:

Don’t turn to the world for solace 
To find the fullness you’ve lost. 
Turn in yourself and don’t despair. 
The water swims inward and downward 
Turn in yourself and don’t despair. 
Stamp out prejudice  when you see its wrong, 
Turn on yourself and don’t despair. 

At 18 I had told someone that I believed Jesus was the Son of God. The poetry shows the Holy Spirit was teaching me, without my conscious awareness, and was guiding me in the work in which I served for over 20 years.

“Take every thought captive in obedience to Christ.“

But now, having been living consciously for faith for the last 30 years, how do these words impact my day? How I would love to tell you I float on a cloud of praise and purity of heart, in peace and knowledge that I am doing Christ’s will at all times!!!   No dear ones I don’t!!  I am still tempted by head knowledge, and evil thoughts still tempt me to despair. But despite that I now know that nothing separates me from God’s love, and when I fall from grace…and find vain thoughts coming, or those from an evil source, I am quicker at turning back to the Way within my heart. I seek forgiveness from God and anyone I have offended, and find peace in seeking His thoughts. 

In all honesty, I sometimes know when God is opening old ways in me, because in taking even the shadow of a thought captive, I sense in the spirit a resistance to repenting to another, or loving God, and I know I am still a sinner, separated from God, in part of my heart.  I now count it joy to turn to God with this hard-heartedness, and ask for mercy.  

I still have unhealed hurts that trigger reactions and self-destructive thoughts. These are ‘work in progress’ and on the whole I control my actions and reactions because I don’t want my pain to hurt others. If I am prepared in prayer, they don’t happen. Some I can avoid….but others are part of life as I seek maturity in Christ and child-like trust in God. None of us are perfect, and the relationships between men and women do not live out St Paul’s assertion that ‘in Christ is neither male nor female, Greek nor Jew….’.

My anger may be ‘just’ in some of the situations that arise. However, in Christ, I find forgiveness, awareness of the ‘other’ and grace to seek the heart of God in the situation. I then find myself responding as if nothing has happened the next encounter, which is more fruitful for God’s Kingdom, and my peace of heart, than my attempts to justify my position. Glory to God. And the losses I have had to bear because of this position, are minor irritants on the whole which I capture and put on Christ’s Cross and forget them!! The colour of tiles and getting my own choice, does not lead us into the Kingdom!! But letting go my will, and forgiving and blessing the tiler, may!!

Lord have mercy on us in our wilfulness, blindness, and half-heartedness. We believe, help Thou our unbelief. By Your Holy Spirit lead us to the wonder of Self-control and purity of heart in Love. Amen